The greatest game in town? I think so…

Finding your own routine will set you free - here’s mine

Small habits are the foundation for more space

Hello - if you’re new here - welcome to the community I’m building for women doing life and business their way. It still feels far too counter cultural for my liking to be a woman AND a business owner who wants to be financially secure. Here, we normalise talking about it so fear doesn’t end up derailing your plans. I want you to have the exact life YOU want, not a modified, shrunken, “more realistic” version. Subscribe for regular chats on women claiming more for themselves, stepping into greater levels of personal power, and finding a way to do life that works for you.

I started these emails as a place to write about life, business, money and all the things that come up along the way. I love connecting with women who share a desire to build financial security alongside life without either one dominating the other. We are the generation of women that have more choices than ever about how to make money, when to work and when to clock off, and I’m here for all the conversations we can have about that. 

In my last email, I wrote about my spacious business experiment, and how it started out as an exercise in finding the time to write my book, keep my business running well and not burn out, but has since evolved into a bona fide revelation. 

Women get to have space AND make money in business and nothing bad happens when they do. (In fact, making space for yourself makes your ability to grow your business a lot easier.)

I know, I know. Completely against the grain of what our whole generation was shown growing up about how to succeed at moneymaking. Which was, essentially, flog yourself as hard as possible, for as long as possible, no matter what. Prove yourself to the world at every juncture. Never take a break. Keep on keeping on. And hang the consequences. We watched the 9-5 sneakily become the 8-6 (and the rest), then the corporate shoved put Blackerries in everyone’s hands, which swiftly turned creatives towards iPhones, and then along came social media until hey presto, we are now part of a workforce of people who feel like we need to be “on” all the time or we’re simply not doing enough. Is it any wonder that by the time we hit 40, most of us know exactly what it feels like to burn out? 

One of my clients told me recently that she doesn’t bother putting her out of office on when she goes on holiday anymore because she thinks about work all the time anyway so what’s the point. A close friend has been exhausted by her job for a decade, it literally keeps her up at night, she hates everything about it, she thinks about it all weekend, and her time is not her own, whether she’s “at work” or not, such is the toxic work environment she has been in for the past 15 years. And yet she’s scared to make a change, even though she has been signed off twice with stress, because of what people will think. You don’t have to look far to see women everywhere, creaking at the seams as they approach mid-life and unsure about how to make things feel easier. We didn’t get a rule book for this. And we all know how much we love a rule. 

I talk a lot about the opportunity we have as women, and how great it is that there are more women owned businesses now than ever. But what would be even better would be if more women were doing business NOT with the same space-crushing, soul-sucking, exhausting work ethic we learnt before. 

Women making money on their own terms is where it’s at for me. Money you can earn no matter what else is going on. Money that pays your bills. Money that allows you to save for your future, invest in causes you believe in, do good things with. Delicious. It’s time to create businesses where sales AND space comfortably co-exist. Where the price of money coming in isn’t exhausting yourself to get there. 

It’s not about constantly questing for more more more (no shade to the 8/9/10 figure coaches out there - I love to see this level of expansion AND the same time it’s not my primary motivator). What I’m more interested in, is you achieving the balance of financial stability alongside living your life. The kind that means you’re not worrying about your mortgage going up or paying bills into the future. Women have never had the ability to reach out and grab this level of financial stability in all of history. Until now. And too many of us are burning out before we get there.

The thing about losing one of my best friends to cancer this year is giving me in spades, is a brand new shift in perspective. Renewed clarity over what I want, what I don’t want, and a sense of filling my days with things I want to spend time on. Little decisions I might have laboured over before, I simply don’t have time for now. It’s kind of a superpower that has helped me rigorously (and I mean rigorously) declutter my house from top to bottom, double down on what matters to me, and move forward in the world with renewed intention. As crap as it is to have gone through, I’ve got to be glad of that!

What I want: more space for writing, in person connections, time in community with other women, Summer holidays offline with my children

What I don’t want: to feel like I’m rushing through life, to feel like I’m a box, financial growth for growth’s sake

In my experience, when women allow themselves to have more space, they get clearer about how to make things simple again. They remember why they started. Their infectious energy for speaking about the things that light them up returns. And, they make more sales, too. When we aren’t rushing, we get more done because we aren’t distracted. Letting go of the pressure we put ourselves under 24/7 to be “productive” has a huge part in this.

The biggest realisation I’ve had in all of this is that I DON’T HAVE TO WORK ALL THE TIME.

Whether you’re in the throes of grief, hitting up the perimenopause or navigating everything it is to be a human on planet Earth in 2024 (can’t be just me in this trifecta of tumult), there is real power in the small habits you can do no matter what. It’s not about making “big moves”, it’s about the small, repeatable ones that keep you open to creating. The list of essentials, the things you can do even when everything else feels too much, are the best foundation I’ve found for a spacious business that feels good long term.

When I set my day up with these simple routines, it feels like I’m keeping my side of the deal I made to myself. And that deal is: to give myself the best shot, to put myself in the best position I can, and then whatever happens on the other side is good enough for me. I don’t strive for perfect, I strive for done, and nobody has been more surprised than me to settle into a pleasing routine made just for me. 

Business is a long game and it’s so much more empowering to have a set of habits that you know gives you the best chance of ease and focus, than to sit around waiting for inspiration to strike and for work to get done. 

My job isn’t to be on all the time, it never was.

What my job IS is to create the conditions for life and business to work together. I’m taking that seriously, now. It feels completely novel at age 43 to, for the first time ever, be writing out my own schedule for how I want my day to look. I think I am finally getting the memo: which is that I get to choose what happens and what doesn’t, and I’m learning that when you choose from a place of love rather than obligation, you choose rather well. This is a rhythm I can stick to, no matter where I am and what’s going on, and that feels like getting the crystal in the Aztec Zone with 30 seconds to spare.

I call these my “minimum standards” - the list of things I do because they put me in the best possible position to get what needs to get done, done. Then, after that, whatever happens is AOK. Sometimes, that might look like an afternoon “off” and others, it’s firing off content left right and centre. Either way, it’s perfect. No guilt. No shame. Good enough is always good enough.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, if life or business is taking too much from you in this season, or if you just like hearing what works for others, here’s what helps me quieten my mind and focus best: 

1. Journaling / morning pages.Three pages of stream of consciousness thoughts, keeping the pen moving, before I do any other work, work like a charm. The less you think about it the better, and I never read it back, but it’s the ultimate decluttering exercise, for me at least. Saved me in lockdown, still saving me now. 

2. Listening to music I love before creating anything. Whether it’s an 80s playlist, some of my favourite garage classics, or classic FM, music never fails to get me feeling alive and inspired! Exquisite dance moves optional. 

3. Exercise. I used to be the sort of person who loved an exercise class, a jog around the block or a swim. Somewhere along the line of having kids, juggling life and generally being “too busy” I let everything slide but walking. Lately, I’ve been jogging again. And, shock horror, it’s amazing what 30 minutes, 3 times a week will do for the endorphins. Something that’s new to me is how at peace I feel when I’m running. It’s time and space that’s just for me. No kids, no work, nothing to think about. Lovely. 

4. Changing up my environment. I’m not cut from stay at home cloth, and I have all my best ideas while in transit. Tube trains, work aways, walks in the park: you name it, I’m into it. I try to spend 50% of my work hours away from home, in coffee shops or work spaces and it works like a charm. 

5. Time offline. As brilliant as social media is as a marketing tool, I’ve long been a fan of spending 30 minutes a day on there and then getting back into the real world. Lately, that looks for me like reading more physical books, meeting people in person, and writing. Does Substack count as social media? Asking for a friend.

6. Time doing nothing. Not thinking about what to cook for dinner. Not doing personal admin. Not clearing my inbox. Not watching TV. I set my timer and I sit down or lie on the floor for 15 minutes doing absolutely nothing. Not even a meditation app gets a look in. As soon as a thought enters my mind, I bat it away. 

7. Work time. Once I’ve done all of these things, I set myself 1-2 hours away from distractions to work on whatever I’m working on. Sometimes that’s content, sometimes its course creation, sometimes it’s promo, sometimes it’s calls. Unless it’s necessary client work, I don’t set tasks, I set times. And wherever I get to, is enough. 

And that’s it. The rest of the time is space for whatever needs to happen. 

I’m no philosopher, but I can’t help wondering if perhaps that was the point, all along? To have the hideous burnout so that we can be darned sure we don’t want to do that ever again. To get better acquainted with what we need to feel good. To get into the swing and put ourselves first, no matter what. To create the best chance for creative fulfilment, and to life without the fear of constant judgement at every juncture.

Elizabeth Gilbert calls this the greatest game in town, this journey to discovering how YOU want to do life. To sack off the baggage of expectation, and do whatever you do because you love it. I think she might be right. 

Have a great week! Xxx